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Posts Tagged ‘soul work’

On Friday, at Europa Cafe with the Jens, we shared the stories of our hearts with candor, vulnerability and love. The piece I shared was about the soul crisis I’ve been having around my work as a psychotherapist. I hoped that if I could lay it gently onto the table among us, submit my heart to the care of these special sisters, some gift, insight, or lifting of a burden might occur. I started stringing the beads of certain thematic experiences I’ve had concerning my own compassion, confusion, and the double-bind of powerlessness.

I became distracted by an almost irresistible desire to lie down and weep. The tears wouldn’t stop, so I interrupted my own story, wondering why I felt compelled to be my most vulnerable in public – the middle of Manhattan, no less.

Jen said,”You’re a motherless child.”

While I didn’t disagree, I was too determined to end my humiliating personal exposure to get a full explanation of how this concept applies, exactly, to my dilemma. She declared it with the grounded knowing of a physician making diagnosis. Or the Oracle, to Neo, when she said, “sorry kid, you’ve got a good soul, but you look like you’re waiting for something.”

Certain declarations from certain people you should take straight to the bank.

This one I carried in my pocket until this morning. The in-flight movie was August Rush. Embedded in this sentimental fairy tale are some great musical moments, including and especially, Raise it Up.

feelin like a motherless child hankered into my soul, it’s bringing me down, cant find my smile on a face of a
motherless child
I’m gonna break down these walls gonna give it my all ya know…
sometimes it takes a different kind of love to raise a child
so don’t give up
sometimes it takes a different kind of dream to make a smile

so raise it up
raise it up
sometimes it takes another helping hand to show you the way
(so don’t give up, when presures come down)
sometimes it seems impossible thats why we pray
SO RAISE IT UP

I cried again, damn it.

I’m a motherless child. From a certain perspective this is literally true. On June 24th it will have been 16 years since my mother died. I’m certainly motherless, if not a child anymore.

And seriously, is anyone, no matter how old, not a child down deep inside?

But I’ve gone on too long. More on this tomorrow. There’s so much more to say.

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