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Posts Tagged ‘maturity’

Chapter 8: Reunited

I’m not a girl anymore, that’s for sure. So soon old, so late smart, they say with a shrug. I’m tempted to feel regret, and yet mostly I feel grateful to be at this point in the struggle. My body, my oldest friend, my most faithful companion, has stayed true, has told the truth to the world, even as I ignored her. I can’t tell you how incredible that feels to me. And now I can find a new way to live – together with my body at last, happily ever after.

This will require a new set of skills, as well as a shift in attention. The committee will be relieved of its managerial duties, and I will need to learn to listen in a new way. After 47 years of warfare, I will learn to listen to the wisdom of my body somehow, and I will learn to trust her with all the courage I can muster.

Even as I’ve been doing this I’ve been aware of a stubborn determination to cling to the old paradigm. Maybe now I can lose weight, I think. Maybe now I’ll shrink down to size. Perhaps at last, as reward for gaining wisdom, I’ll slim down.

Perhaps I will. Maybe I won’t. That’s up to my body. My job is to listen and obey. To trust and to love. To value the wonderful gift of being…how can I put it?…of being defective, I guess. Of being flawed in the eyes of the they’s and the them’s, the keepers of the rules of illusion. The story makers. The liars.

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